chacha

 A few entries I wrote as we welcomed Theo.  10-8-15 When you're pregnant everyone tells you to listen to your motherly instinct. And I'm hear to tell You that it's true and that feeling is scary when it's not good. In April we found out we were expecting baby #2 and were over the moon. Especially giving our failed adoption a couple of months earlier. Well let's rewind to last Wednesday. I've tried to take it easy this pregnancy due to a few bleeding episodes, but on Wednesday something was different. I was in a funk all day and could not get comfortable. My clothes were tight, belly constantly right, constantly getting hard like a rock. It didn't hurt, but it was uncomfortable. That night Brady came home and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Tightenings were every 3 minutes. Was it Braxton hicks? I couldn't decide, so I went in to labor and delivery, again. Sure enough I was having contractions every 3 minutes. Dilated to a 2, funneling, short cervix, cou...

 Earlier this afternoon, I logged onto my old blog from college. It was a very strange experience. I felt like suddenly I was thrown back to my 20 year old self. I remember making playlists in my parent basement, listening to these overly sad, heart breaking songs and writing. It was cathartic and pathetic. Bless all the people who stuck with me through those years. You are good people. But really, bless my husband who confessed tonight, that he read every single one of those passive blogs to my old flames and still stuck with me. Why the hell am I back? Writing on this vintage platform that was pre instagram, pre my parents getting social media? I don't know. I'm bad at journaling. I feel like when I journal, I don't know who my audience is. My great, great grandkid? Truthfully, I threw away most of my journals. Nobody needs, wants, to read that garbage. I promise. Writing has always felt healing to me. A way to sort through the muck and goodness. A way to go back and reli...